The Rules of Engagement

Before my post today, I would like to say thank you to everyone who has read my first blog, words cannot describe my gratitude. Your positive feedback and support has made all the difference.

As South Africans we don’t like the party to end, in fact nobody knows the okay let me just tell you this story before I go better than me.

We have a visit till the last minute culture, and I mean this in the most loving way possible but we are party people and by party I mean we thrive on visiting.

Immigration requires you to adapt to the culture, and after much deliberation I have noted that holding on to these aspects of your identity just makes it more difficult to grow and settle.

The biggest culture shock for South Africans - and I have asked a few - is being invited over by Dutch people. That being said, I have noted a few rules that would have been good to know upfront. To avoid confusion for those who are not aware, I have created a survival guide.

The Netherlands Rules of Engagement:

1. Before entering a house the polite thing to do is clarify the household shoe policy, and make sure you wear decent socks just in case.

2. Being invited over for lunch is not an open invitation to stay for dinner, even if there are leftovers.

3. Being invited over for drinks regardless of the kind is a one drink only arrangement.

4. If the invitation states from 1 p.m. - 3 p.m., arrive after the clock hits 1 p.m. and at 2:55 p.m. everyone should get their coats even if you believe the host really likes you.

5. If you are present - no matter how much you have consumed - you pay an equal share of the costs. This includes the cost of preparation for any meal and regardless of the kind of invitation. Some even go as far as bill separately for different parts of the evening such as food, drinks and entertainment.

6. Lastly, thank you for coming means you should leave now.

This seems rather difficult and upsetting for South Africans, the first few instances you are very uncomfortable. As time went on, I realized that being invited over is a privilege and once you remove the cost from the equation, you are truly only in the presence of company that you enjoy. I will not pay to share a meal by invitation for people I do not want to spend quality time with, but most importantly I do not burden those with who I do want to spend time with.

To be completely honest I was extremely frustrated by this idea at first. I felt robbed each time it happened. The truth is that it was never about me, it is a way of life. I cannot be sure if it grows on you or one day you wake and you also full of crap, but needless to say nobody wears shoes in our house.

Till next time. ♥️